A number of weeks months however long since I botherd to write here, things build up and I lose intrest easy,I am sorry.
Iv just turned 19 and in 2more weeks i will be celebrating my two year anniversary with my amazing gf.usure of whatelse to buy her and what to do Im currnelty looking for answers online and from friends,so if anyone has any ideas,Im more then welcome
Went on an amazing holiday this year with her and her parents to Cornwall,saw some amazing sites and finaly got to experience what they fussed over for ages!
I even think next year me and the Gf might travel there alone and work for abit.
Currenlty trying to find a job and coming out to certain people in my own way,I now see no rush,Becasue I can and do fit into either or neither It doesnt seem to bother me as much how people view me aslong as they respect me for the "other"half of me
currnelty bummin of caon frazzel although I rarley eat much meat, so thats nothing new.
Looking for work again after quitting sky due to  a few reasons

On the 26th of January I shall be travelling down to London for a trans project
My first ever
and yes Im shitting myself to be frank
I have alot to say about whats been asked, Im jst all new to this as a coming out  process
Im mid workiing between weather or not to tell my parents I feel GQ or weather to leave them treating me as they do right now, which isnt always so bad

I think on saturday aslong as people dont refer to me as female,I could handel that, and it might be good trying to get that from strnagers rather then from people who have known me for about 7years LOL
I have to laugh otherwsie, tears my fall

Well over the past few weeks Iv thought alot and sometimes i just havnt thought at all about the situtation regarding my gender.

it can range from not thinking aobut it naturally to forcing myself not to think about it; to stopping myself from aknowldgeing it and then thinking about it so I can sort myself and my head out one way or another.

Hopefully Il be getting a bnder soon and that will help me, its a step I want to take no mater what.

Theses lumps are not something I want for the rest of ym life if I can help it.

i dont know if Im male or GQ and thats frustrating. 

6 days to go untill the big day
that is xmas

3 years on the 27th
the day of his death
went to the crem on tuesday
could bare to stay by his grave

took a walk down to see a ex friends mums grave instead
wanted to wish someones happy xmas without crying
should go see him after xmas

i hope your ok grandad
merry xmas :)

Ok so its not as bad as it was 3/2 years ago but I still get that aggitated that upset and darn right abusive with my behaviour and self, I have no idea hwy people stick around.

Some people Im not so botherd about and certain partys I couldnt give a toss about but when you just want a hug and for someone to tell you its going to be ok, yet you have to wait weeks for it, it gets to you

I know Xmas this year will be as great as last but I cant helpthinking that your missing out on something, that your watching us and upset that where ont all together like a family, but things have moved on and chnaged.

I cant help but wonder what it would be like if you haddnt of killed yourself Michelle, would I get that cheeky Xmas text?
Or that card you promiced?

I have all I want here and now,i just cant help but feel guilty for what use are missing out on.

Well its day four, and I think Im going to go on T, I dont know when and how Im going to do it but I think I want to, I have abit more thinking to do and some other people to talk to but its definatyl on the cards now.

Family are driving me mad, everythigns my fault in this house, always has been always will be.
By next year I want to be out of here, So if anyone knows of any places going to rent..Let me know.